Dear David...

Dear David:

Well, it has been 14 years since our brief encounter in life. Friday was a pretty hard day for me. There have been times when "your" day passed by without a tear but for some reason I was hurting more this year than I have for a while. I thought maybe if I wrote you a letter, I would feel better. I still think about you every single day. I wonder what you would look like and what you would be doing. So much has happened in the last 14 years…Mackay is going to be 18 in 27 days (can you believe it?). I wonder how it would be to watch you two together. I am sure you would be following him around, trying to be just like him. And Mallory, of course, would be right there with you.

This year I have been thinking a lot about how different my life would be if you were here. Although it hurts to know you are gone I need you to know how happy I am. I am finally where I am supposed to be. I have realized that you were not meant to be here with me but you played a part in the direction my life has taken. Some wonderful people have joined our family. I can no longer imagine my life without Jared. He makes me want to be a better person, the best I can be. He brings me a feeling of love and peace I have never felt before. He asked me if I could go back now and change what happened, would I do it? My honest answer was “No.” That day so long ago was the worst day of my life. My heart was broken. But the life I have with Jared has filled my soul with more love and happiness than I could ever imagine. If going back meant losing him, I couldn’t do it.

I hope my role in your spirit receiving a body is enough for now. I hope you can understand that even when my heart aches for you, I am grateful for the life I have now. I know you are not a child but I still think about you, a little boy, standing before our Heavenly Father, his arms reaching out to you to welcome you back home after your short visit to Earth...and I know you are okay. And know this, my beloved boy, I am okay too…..

Your Mom